In the name of Jaffa Cakes...

I am just back from a Jaffa Cake run to Waitrose, Sunningdale. This store, in this specific location sums up everything I hate about "Royal" Berkshire and Surrey.

I parked my little Mini neatly in its spot when a crazed women in her over sized Mercedes came flying in sideways, and promptly stops and parks taking up 3 spaces. I gave her one of my Badger stares and she struts out, looks at me and says "Marrd Dawgs and Englishman we must be coming here on a Friday afternoon"... Indeed I thought, I wanted to point out that I was there on business NOT afternoon pleasure as she clearly was. After carefully making my way through the barrage of Chelsea Tractors storming into the carpark at me I entered the store where everything got even more upsetting.

There were mad posh women everywhere I looked, mostly out of control with trolleys. They all had far to much makeup on and stunk of overpriced perfume. I started to panic and put my head down and headed straight for the Jaffa Cake aisle. Upon clutching my tube I headed to the nearest checkout, all were about 2 miles deep with more of the mad women. Not a man could be seen anywhere. I felt so out of place, and call me paranoid but the mad women were staring at me like they thought I had bunked off school and I must be a very bad child, rather than the 27 year old women that I am.

I got in line quietly willing it to move forward when I got rammed from behind by an out of control trolley. I felt like the small child in the Roald Dahl film The Witches. After ramming me she pushed past me like I did not exist, so I proclaimed "Sorry, I am just buying these"....(why was I apologising!!, anything for a quiet life me)... "oh can you put them on the belt then please" was the reply. I did not want to put them on the darn belt, I wanted to hold them so I ignored the demanding women and got a tut. I counted out my money in advance, £1.11 for a packet of Jaffa Cakes so I could be prepared to exit as quickly as possible. I could feel my twitches coming on and knew this would not be well received in such a clearly upper middle class store so I had to get out of there quick smart. All I needed was for my "WOW!" tic to come out and I really would be stared at.

Finally my moment came and I have never been so pleased to be out of a supermarket but I think the Jaffa Cakes were well appreciated back at the office. But gosh what an ordeal. I hope that in Yorkshire the Waitroses are full of farmer types and not such posh smelly mothers.