Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Beneath the surface of your subconscious...

Apparently I look for things like a boy and I also shop like a boy, both of these things could just mean I am impatient. Which I am, its true. However I had never even noticed how my subconscious behaved when I go shopping in a supermarket, or at least not until Stray pointed it out to me.

She noted that I can not push a trolley by its handle using 2 hands. I can also not carry a shopping basket by both handles. I do not know why this is.
If I am controlling a trolley I find I do so by almost leaning across it and placing my hands on either side, if using a basket I would push it along the floor keeping the essential carrying moments minimum. When the basket is empty I carry it by its side upside down.

I wonder why I do this? Is it because I don't want to look like a bag lady doing her weekly shop? I don't know. Maybe next time I shall wear my Heelys and then I can slide with the trolley and really take off.
I dress like a 14 year old boy, and I have recently come to realise why I may do this, I would suggest that the TS may have something to do with it.

I shall explain why. Imagine walking up a crowded high street surrounded by people. (And we are not talking just people, we are talking middle class judgemental people, those that crowd the Surrey high streets where I live).

Then imagine seeing a well dressed professional women in her late twenties heading toward you with a slight twitch on and either clucking like a chicken about to lay or clicking/whistling with a little squawk thrown in.

Now I would look twice. Wouldn't you? However, imagine seeing a 14 year old lad heading toward you possibly doing the same. Which would seem more strange? Kids can get away with strange behaviour, adults can not.

It is not just this though, I would never choose to look like the lady I described a moment ago. Because that's not me. But my point is that our subconscious plays a big role and its only when you try and look at it that you can try and dig at why you are the way you are, and even then it feels like you can only guess.


Blogger Stray said...

Good blog badger!

Yup. You definitely shop like a boy and look for things like a boy. You made me laugh so much on Sunday night - There's no pickled onions. Wait ... I think I only did boy looking ... let me look again ... oh! Here they are!

And yes. That time you carried the basket on your shoulder ... or sometimes you kick it along the floor, by the chiller cabinets.

I'm up for the heelying though - good plan!


3:14 PM  
Blogger The Cornish Cowgirl said...

You are very perceptive Badger - I enjoyed your post and remembered the time we were in Sainsburys and we let loose a lobster!

3:24 PM  
Blogger Jon M said...

Is there any other way to push a shopping trolley?
If you lean forward just at the point of balance then you glide along. I'm always getting told off for doing that!

7:11 PM  
Blogger Jude said...

You should continue to do what feels comfortable. Who gives a monkeys about anything else?

We only get one shot at this life and we should do whatever makes us happy.

I watch football like a boy and am a techie geek. Several exes will swear to this.

Oh and I drink beer like a boy.

Girly girls don't generally like me.

Who cares?

We are what we are.

Enjoy it Badger. You are different.

Who really wants to be the same???


8:14 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

There is also the theory that biological females on the Autistic spectrum (and I know Tourettes is not neccessarily part of the Autistic Spectrum, but there are many overlaps, and please bear with me :o) ) do not identify as "feminine" or have an identity that runs parallel to traditional female identities, rather that neurodiverse women are more likely to be transgendered to a degree.

(In my case I have gone the whole hog, and transitioned to male as I feel more comfortable with a slightly fey male identity than a masculine female identity.)

Does any of this make sense?

8:13 AM  
Blogger Jon M said...

Anything I say after Robin's comment will sound trite but I've always felt that we're all on some kind of spectrum or maybe more than one!

10:25 PM  
Blogger Badger said...

Makes perfect sense Robin. Thanks. I love the term 'neurodiverse'. I shall use that.

Today I got my formal Tourettes Diagnosis, which was a relief. Not a relief to have Tourettes (obviously) because I wish I did not. But a relief to be taken seriously and believed. Phew.

6:58 PM  
Blogger NMJ said...

This is a great post, Badger. lovely writing.

I love that you push the basket along the floor unless you absolutely have to carry it.

I always kick the basket along the floor when I am in the queue simply because I don't have the energy to hold it.

And often I take a trolley just for a few items because I am too tired for a basket.

Next time, I am going to carry the basket by its side upside down just to see how it feels.


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