Saturday, March 31, 2007

Some weekend thinks ....

...I am upset about Woody from Toy Story, when the little girl does not want to play with him anymore and she throws him aside. Its sad. It makes me feel sad for him. I felt a bit like Woody when I was small I think. I have been worrying about how this will make other children feel when they watch Toy Story. I never have been very good with films, I take them personally. I don't like to watch 18 rated films. I cried so badly at Bambi, I could not understand why people would go to the cinema to be made to feel so upset... and they make you pay??

...I had a dream during the week that I got a new job and my new collegues were being nasty to me, they said I had to go down in the lift and when the doors opened there was no lift there and I fell all the way down the lift shaft and broke my tail when I landed. I was really upset because I could not move, I did not question why I had a tail (dreams are like that). But the people were laughing again... i wonder if they were laughing at my tail.

...Today I went on a bike ride. I needed to wee and I sat on a stinging nettle. ouch.
Whilst on my bike ride my friend went into a shop to buy me a packet of crisps, he came out with 24 packets of crisps. I wonder if this is a sign of how much he likes me. :)

Finally .... I ate the biggest Cheese Scone in the world today. I wanted to ask the lady how she got it to rise so well. I did not, because I was worried she had recognised me from last summer when I went running into her kitchen because I HAD to change my order from a teacake to a cheese scone when I realised I had been careless with the menu and over looked it. I was not so careless today. I don't think she liked me in her kitchen last time. It was an emergency she just did not understand.

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Techno, Techno, Take no Badger ...

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I own my very own Heelys ...

Today, the lovely Stray came home with this wonderful pair of Heelys just for me.

I am very happy, and after my initial wobble and panic of "Oh my gosh I am too old and stiff to do this!" I am almost up to speed. A little more practice and I to will be leaning into the bends and doing laps of our house just like Stray.

Horah for Heelys, never grow old, glide with grace and fall with elegance.

I am also proud to announce that I reached Expert level on Guitar Hero last night, therefore not only do I "rock", I also rock with wheels. Go me.

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Arctic Circle...

Today I have played with my photos from Lapland and I have come up with my very best pair. They show off the magical atmosphere of this country just as I remember it at its calmest.

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We have not had any eggs from our 2 girls since way back in October 2006. But this morning, I woke to the sound of a laying hen. I pitched in with my chicken ear and instantly knew what would await me when I went down to feed them.

There they were, 4 little perfectly formed eggs. I felt so proud. They have been through a lot this year, they lost 2 of their friends to a Stoat, and yet they have come up with the goods in minus 4 temperatures. No wonder there was so much noise during the laying process, they must have got mighty chilly down there.

Well done Gladys and Hilary!

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

"Its just Badger and her funny ways .... "

It would appear that my "funny ways" are infact not quite so funny after all. Well maybe they are and maybe society just says that if you are a little odd. (Stray prefers to call it interesting) then you have to be grouped with the other 'odd' people. I however gain top of the class as I am a high functioning 'odd' person.

After many years of twitching, and playing back sounds from my environment at regular intervals whenever the need arises in me I have been given the badge TS.... (Tourettes Syndrome). Hmmm,... but I don't swear! Gosh, if I could count the number of times I have been told that I would .... well, I would run our of fingers for starters. Telling someone with TS they DONT have it because they don't swear is I suspect what makes people take up swearing out of pure anger toward peoples ignorance.

I watched a video of when I was 7,.. well actually it was my eighth birthday party but I prefer to say 7 because I am all for staying young. In the video I am certainly slightly peculiar. I watched it feeling like I was looking at someone else. That shrimp child certainly could not have been me. What I did notice however was that I had a definite blinking and head twitch even then. This made me think.... after being told by my housemates over and over that I have TS and strongly denying the claim, a little creeping thought of "maybe I do, and if I do its only a badge, it doesn't suddenly mean I am not me anymore" came into play. My psychologist believes that I do, however I have to see the psychiatrist again to confirm it. I am little confused at what a "diagnosis" infact means to mouse nor man. Or chicken, or peacock, or whatever animal I happen to take on when the sound crops up. I notice the little whistle I tend to slip in at the end of my noises is almost like some sort of socially acceptable disguise to clucking like a chicken. Like the whistle somehow takes away the embarrassment I feel at sounding like a farmyard.

Part of my denial of having TS was that I could suppress the tics for periods of time... but alas that too is common in TS sufferers. "Suppression of tics is possible, yet can lead to an outburst afterwards" - ding! (insert light bulb here)... damn. It seems that every get out clause I look for just impacts the fact more.

I am not sure why I am so desperate to deny that I may be a TS sufferer. I like to think that I am in total control of what I do, not that my brain is a little back to front. Having been through periods in my life where I hardly twitch or make sounds at all, I hold onto some hope that the urges will succumb over time. This was again another reason for my denial, I would strongly claim that I never ever used to be this bad. I can recall it being consistently worse since I was diagnosed with PTSD, which again makes total sense according to the TS Society.

Yesterday evening I realised that my noise mimicking was infact something to be admired and indeed a great skill. I like to think this means I am also a far better singer than I ever thought I was. I like singing. I am just a little shy. I got a new Apple Laptop yesterday (and yes it is very beautiful), when you start it up for the first time it plays a little space tune to you. I could mimic it perfectly, it was like magic. One listen and bosh I was that Apple making that very space sound. If you had closed your eyes you would not have known the difference.

Therefore TS is not something bad, or indeed a flaw with my brain. I have in fact been gifted.


Monday, March 19, 2007

Five Things You May Not Know About Me...

Stray tagged me to write the above and it has taken me quite a bit of inbetween thought *inbetween thought is those little gaps of think time between working and making Tea*.
The problem is that frankly I have no idea what boundaries one is supposed to ascertain when writing such a thing. Anyhow I have come up with the list of 5 things I believe you may not know about me. Obviously some of you will, for example my sister will be only too aware of point number 5. Her voice still echoes in my ears when she discovered what I had done. oops.

1. When I was 6 I wrote a letter to the tooth fairy asking for a best friend with purple hair. My mother kept this letter and gave it back to me when I left home aged 20.

2. I was lucky enough not to start my period until I was 18 years old.

3. I wanted to be an aircraft pilot when I was 12 and my step father took me to join the air cadets but they said I was too short. I cried alot and now bizarrely I am terrified of flying.

4. I used to play Grand Theft Auto because I thought it was cool, it actually made me so anxious I would cry.

5. I once cleaned up dog poo with my sisters flannel and then hung it back up for her to use.

So there we have it, it feels a little like I have shared some secrets, which of course i have not. I now believe that to continue this on I must tag some others to partake, I choose, The Cornish Cowgirl, and PurpleSparkleBright

Sunday, March 18, 2007

A lovely day for a Guinness ...


Friday, March 16, 2007

Cross-Country Skiing...

On our final day in Levi we thought we would have a go at cross country skiing, something I’d never tried because I enjoy not having to move under my own power. I prefer gravity to assist me in my exercise. But cross country skiing was probably the biggest laugh i have had all year. I would love to tell you how we glided along in a quiet, snow filled forest, across wide frozen lakes the sun in our hair. It’s a lovely image inst it? But, Yes, that wasn’t us. What we were doing could be more accurately termed the “geriatric shuffle slip.” With an occasional flail to add suspense and drama to what looked like an elegant sport. We didn’t fall on a slope so steep that if you stopped and peered up you would only see a tower of white. We tipped over on the flat ground, simply because we could not stop at what felt like a hair raising 5 mph.

Picture this: A quiet peaceful morning, the sun gleaming. 3 Finnish experienced cross-country skiers in all their fashionable attire waiting on the flat at a 'Give Way' junction for Skidoos. When suddenly crashing along behind them, like a dog on wheels with no brakes appears a British person, arms flapping around in the air, poles threatening to poke anything within range, totally unbalanced yet desperately trying to look cool and under control, as if the flapping was just for shits and giggles or a severe bout of Tourettes tics. The 3 heads turn, puzzled, worried as I approach at speed, but then I go whizzing across the main road, round the bend and plonk over I went. I quickly picked myself up feeling quite the fool. Fancy falling over on the flat after a mere 3 degree slope. As I shake of the snow I smile politely to 2 Fins in their 80's as they glide past in that elegant way that made us have some crazy belief that this was infact an easy sport! My mind is a puzzle of confusion, a week speeding downhill and not a single fall.... yet this!?! - "How the hell do you stop!!?".

I look back behind me wondering what sort of pickle my 2 friends would get themselves into. When I see Friend number 1 rounding the bend heading toward me, looking exactly as I suspected I did on my approach. Legs slip sliding everywhere, arms doing loops. Peters idea of jumping out of the ski runs ended up in more embarrassment as his skis just slipped about like ice skates. His legs seemed to get further and further apart when 'donk' he was down. Not just 'down'... thats an understatement of the image.. he was more sprawled out across the whole track. Before I even had time to gain some sort of control of my laughter around the bend came Friend number 2, in a similar state to the pair of us, however Fiona decided to head off into the deeper snow off the track and through the trees in a bid to stop. It worked.. she stopped. With the aid of a tree.

So there I am laughing uncontrollably, desperately trying to keep my bladder from spilling, as in these kinds of temperatures you don't want to be getting water in your pants, if that stuff freezes down there your in big trouble.

As funny as the domino falls were, i had almost as much fun watching friend number 1 try to get back on his feet. His legs, skis and poles were facing opposite directions and he was very aware that he was blocking the whole track. Various obscenities about "what on earth is wrong with these skis" were being muttered. As the Fins slid past, you could see in their eyes what was going through their heads. "What on earth do these 3 plonkers think they are doing??, how do you ALL fall over on the flat??"..

When we finally gained control we were up and shuffling our way along the track.... next a hill to go UP. Oh goodness,.. need I go on. I think you can probably imagine what happened next. I ended up with one leg up, one leg down, arse to the side, poles attempting to dig in for some sort of traction or balance. But nope back i went, all the way to the bottom and into another heap. More laughter. When we finally got the hang of it enough to zip along the flat I finally realised quite how utterly exhausting it was.

So, yes, cross country skiing has been ticked off on the things to do before I die, it has also gained a tick on the things I will not be doing again. This will be one of those days that I will remember for a long time and when I look back on it I will be sure to smile fondly. However from now on I will be sticking to gravity assisted down hill skiing.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Magical like Narnia...

Its taken me a while to get around to blogging about my beautiful holiday deep inside the Arctic Circle. Not only did I over come levels of coldness I never knew could be survivable, but I have also cured my fear of flying.

If your hand, or any other part of your bare skin, was exposed to the freezing air for more than 15 seconds it would go stiff and undoubtably would drop off after 30 seconds exposure.

We felt temperatures down to -20C during the day and at night it was more like -30C. When out on the Snowmobiles at night I felt just like James Bond although I am sure his thumb did not lose all sensation from the cold, nor his visor freeze with sheet ice that somehow formed as soon as it left my lungs. I also don't recall seeing him slip slide all over the seat of the skidoo, desperately holding on for fear of shooting out the side into a heap of snow at 60 kph. I was probably far more like Jennie Bond (the news reader) but no doubt much faster. :)

The Skiing was fabulous! Virgin snow every day. Plenty of skiing through the trees to be found and a couple of jumps sprung me back out onto the main piste, often when I least expected it!

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